Emotional Curveball

I am a creature of habit. I shop at the same grocery stores. I buy the same items. I buy my gas at one particular gas station, at one particular pump. I ALWAYS have two cups of coffee with just the right amount of creamer before I face my day. I park in the same place at work consistently. It's not that I cannot bend or be flexible, its just, well, that I work best with structure or deadlines. If I have all day to get stuff done, then it generally takes all day. If I have thirty minutes, well then, it's amazing how much can get done.

These past two weeks have had anything but structure. Of course, there is the ongoing bathroom saga (remodel), ungrateful company, quick trip to Iowa to visit relatives, messed up work schedule due to vacation, and then the phone call. You know the kind. The phone call that comes as a surprise and takes your breath away. My stepdad, had suffered a heart attack.

Now, I can say that he is doing well. He actually feels better now (according to him). But, I don't. I am overcome with emotion. Besides my darling hubby, he is the one man I care about most on this Earth. This is the man that is not my biological father, the man that I was down right mean and rude to, the man that didn't have to try, the man that hung in there no matter how ugly, the man that has loved my mother through thick and thin, the man that has embraced me as his daughter. He suffered the heart attack and I suffered the attack of heartache.

I know this situation is not new to so many. I know that I am getting to that age when such events will be more common place... but may I just say THIS SUCKS!

Now, I'm just hanging on... I feel emotionally and physically drained. The "To Do" list is taking up too much brain space. I feel disconnected and out of sinc. My routine is out of whack. Which makes me wonder "how old am I really?" Emotional curveballs are not my style.