Membership Has Its Privledges

Welcome to the I've Become My Parent Club...

Membership is available to all who have children and have recently been known to utter any one of the following phrases:

"Just wait till your father gets home."
"If it's worth doing, it's worth doing right."
"Is it a want or a need?"
"Less talk, more eat."
"Don't you know there are children starving in _______ (insert country of choice)"
"I don't care if Sally Jo's parents let her do it. Sally Jo is not my child."
"Nothing good happens after 11 PM anyway."

All members receive a complimentary prescription for Valium once your children reach 13 years of age. Members may bring special cases for consideration to the board if particularly mouthy children are in the household.

Workshops are available to all members free of charge. They include such topics as:

Getting over guilt: How to spend money on yourself
Creating a retreat: How to booby trap your bathroom drawers so that teenage daughters will not successfully raid your make-up
Today's slang: Appropriate use of
Texting as a Foreign language (college credit is available)


But wait... there's more

The I've Become My Parent Club also offers tech support, 24 hours a day. You will no longer be held captive by your teenagers lack of helpfulness. Specialty services include:

How to reset my ringtone
Resetting the TV back to normal TV viewing
Easy DVR usage

As a club member, you will also be privy to our most popular service, Parental Discipline Support.

You may request a "meaner" parent to visit at any given time
Policemen or Military personnel are on stand by for extreme intervention
You will have access to our 101 Ways to Grounding that Doesn't Ground You website

Here at I've Become My Parent Club we believe that Time Out is for the grown ups! A monthly spa treatment and night on the town with your significant other is required. "Meaner" parents are available for babysitting upon request.