The Talk, Well Sort Of...

The hubby is a total crack up. I actually caught him watching Dr. Oz yesterday. The topic? Oh, the gentle topic of having the sex talk with your kids. Now, mind you, Dr. Oz is not a show that the hubby would normally tune into. If it's not blowing up the Earth, the imminent demise of the Earth and all its inhabitants, the latest volcanic eruption, or the doom of the next asteroid to into our atmosphere, he usually doesn't watch it. So, why now? Could it be from our previous day's conversation?
Previous day, after church: "Where's Songbird?" I innocently ask.
Hubby: "At the movies."
Oceangypsymom: "With who?"
Hubby: "Friends."
Oceangypsymom: "What kind of friends? You don't know who she went to the movies with?"
Hubby: "Of course, I do. She went with ***** (name protection)."
Oceangypsymom: "Well, if she went with *****, then you can be sure that they are meeting some boys there."
Hubby: Dead Silence
Oceangypsymom: "Honey, you really have to be up on this kinda stuff. I mean, I'm counting on you here. You ALWAYS need to know the who, what, when, where, why and how of every situation."
Hubby: More Silence, then the subtle thud of a daddy's heart into the pit of his stomach.

Back to the sex talk and Dr. Oz. Not five minutes after the Dr. Oz episode, Songbird comes home from school. Poor girl, she is completely unaware that her father is teetering on the edge of the abyss, that he is clinging to the edge and desperately fighting not to fall off. In an attempt to be a good father, to not let an opportunity pass him by, and with complete and utter lack of planning or preparation he asks, "Songbird, can you name 5 STD's?" Great opening line, don't you think? Nothing like putting her at ease and making her feel completely comfortable.
One hour later, not much conversation has taken place due to Songbird's fingers in her ears and her curled up fetal position on the couch. She's yelling, "I'm only 12!"
Bless my hubby's heart, but my work here is never done. Now, I know why God hasn't called me home yet. These kids do still need me!