Now Serving Crazy

I'm sitting at the kitchen table. This will probably become my new perch. Why, you ask? Well, let's just say that in order to keep Prince Lawn Gnome and Braveheart from killing one another during homeschool, they need a little extra mommy supervision. All I wanted was a shower, just a shower and to blowdry my hair, because when I wait too long then it's done for for the remainder of the day. What do I hear three rooms away? "MMMMMOOOMMMM!" Settle the first dispute, lay down the law, remind children of their current responsibilities and return to hairdryer. What do I hear three rooms away? "MMMMMOOOMMMM! Prince Lawn Gnome stuck the calculator down his pants!" (I loath 15 year old boy humor.)

Prince Lawn Gnome appears with squirted water dripping from his forehead, no doubt from the spray bottle meant for Leo the cat to keep him out of the Christmas tree. Oh, yeah, you know Braveheart isn't all innocent in this one. But, since I also need to use said calculator from time to time, I must do something. "Would you like it if I stuck the calculator down my pants and then made you use it?, I ask." Obviously, I'm not above coming down to his level, but the shock value of even thinking about your mom's underwear and the pure gross out factor should work, right?

"You always take her side, you're just sexist!" Prince Lawn Gnome asserts. "It's sexist!" Now, let's review... I've had one cup of coffee this morning not my usual, required two. I've had an interrupted shower time, and guess what, no schoolwork is getting done. Now, I'm being called a sexist in MY OWN HOME, the one I allow Prince Lawn Gnome to dwell in! Seriously, are we serving crazy today? Because, I can serve crazy!

And, for the topper, today's lesson, poetry! Lord, please help me.