I've often heard news stories about women that were repeatedly abused by their husbands. I often wondered why they would subject themselves over and over to that kind of treatment. I find it hard to wrap my brain around it. But, then I met a VERY special lady. She is a saint on Earth. Her marriage is hard, very hard. Her husband a control freak. Over the years, I've seen him isolate her more and more. I've listened to her complain about how he controls and manipulates her by controlling all the money. I've listened to her. I've prayed with and for her. I've prayed for him. And still, no answers, no improvement.
They have bright, sensitive and all around wonderful children, but they can't help but be warped by this type of situation. I wonder what kind of marriages they themselves might have one day. I wonder if they will try to intervene when they feel that they are big enough. Will they try to defend their mother and be caught in the crossfire?
My heart aches for this friend. I've been downright in her face, "this is not normal" and "this is not safe." She's not listening. She is rationalizing. She rationalizes every action and reaction. I want to help her, but I don't want to send her husband over the deep end, and as a consequence, isolate her more. I don't want to turn on the news and see their story. How can you help someone that won't open her eyes and see the situation for what it really is? She is too close to see the forest from the trees.
There are no easy answers to this, I know, but I am looking for any advice as to how to actually help without making things worse for her. I feel paralyzed and the waiting for her to do something, anything is excruciating.
Home Sweet Home! by The Pioneer Woman
3 years ago
2 comments:
Bless you for trying to help your friend. Personally, I have only lived through this as a child, through a child's eyes. I have not a clue how to deal with this other than the way you are now. The fact that your friend rationalizes his behavior is not a good sign. I wonder if she would want this same life for her children? That may be what happens since this is what they are learning. Perhaps if she thinks about that aspect of things she may change her mind. Good luck with helping her. Take care, Suz
Sometimes there is nothing you can do. I don't know that I think it is saintly to put up with that type of behavior, but I've seen other women do it. In the end I think it is usually fear of using the lifestyle they're used to that keeps them in the marriage.
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