We'll call him Rico

The oceangypsy house sits kitty-corner from the oddest neighbors ever. For years we have been subjected to various Christmas decorations that definatly are in the running for Griswold of the Year awards. In the spring, their lawn is decorated with tulips scattered throughout the grass. There is no actual flower bed, just random tulips. Smack dab in the middle of the yard is a fifteen foot weed that they claim is a tree. Now, I may not be the sharpest pencil in the box, but I dang sure know what a tree looks like and this ain't it. Even the squirrels won't climb it!

Now, I admit that the oceangypsy house isn't always all that. There are currently weeds in the flower bed and the carcass of the former black, conversion van in the drive. (To be towed away as soon as hubby is not paying attention.) The sound of drums and guitars frequently resonate from our basement and I often put out enough trash to rival the city dump.

But.....

Nothing compares to the new live-in boyfriend that has moved in there. I was first made aware of his presence when his very hairy chest was displayed beneath his silk, Hugh Heffner like, robe on their front porch while waving the kids off to summer school. Choking back the gag reflex, I immediately ran for cover, screaming, "my eyes... my eyes." The image has permanently burned into my brain for which I may never recover.

A few days later, during my garage sale, I was again subjected to the new neighbor, we'll call him Rico Suave. Apparently, he enjoys sitting on the front stoop, in the aforementioned Hugh Heffner robe, as he stayed there for at least a half an hour. I was beginning to think that maybe I should check the registered pedophile list in my area.

Then the unthinkable happened. Something that made me long for the random tulips and the god-awful Christmas displays. Something that instantly brought down the property values of the neighborhood by at least $20,000. Something that makes the carcass of the black van look like a Maserati. Rico Suave moved in, by tow truck mind you, a conversion van decked out in complete camo. That's right one, big camouflage van. It screams home-grown-terrorist. Oh, but that's not the kicker. The best part is the professional decal across the front that says, "A-Team" above the windshield. The horn, is akin to the sound of an elephant followed by a la-cooka-rocha rhythum.

I kid you not! I couldn't make this up if I tried! It's so over the top I'm not worried about pedophilia anymore, it calls way to much attention to itself. My only hope is that Rico won't stay long, that he will be a passing fancy. Although, the appeal of such a man is way beyond me.