The Talk, Well Sort Of...

The hubby is a total crack up. I actually caught him watching Dr. Oz yesterday. The topic? Oh, the gentle topic of having the sex talk with your kids. Now, mind you, Dr. Oz is not a show that the hubby would normally tune into. If it's not blowing up the Earth, the imminent demise of the Earth and all its inhabitants, the latest volcanic eruption, or the doom of the next asteroid to into our atmosphere, he usually doesn't watch it. So, why now? Could it be from our previous day's conversation?
Previous day, after church: "Where's Songbird?" I innocently ask.
Hubby: "At the movies."
Oceangypsymom: "With who?"
Hubby: "Friends."
Oceangypsymom: "What kind of friends? You don't know who she went to the movies with?"
Hubby: "Of course, I do. She went with ***** (name protection)."
Oceangypsymom: "Well, if she went with *****, then you can be sure that they are meeting some boys there."
Hubby: Dead Silence
Oceangypsymom: "Honey, you really have to be up on this kinda stuff. I mean, I'm counting on you here. You ALWAYS need to know the who, what, when, where, why and how of every situation."
Hubby: More Silence, then the subtle thud of a daddy's heart into the pit of his stomach.

Back to the sex talk and Dr. Oz. Not five minutes after the Dr. Oz episode, Songbird comes home from school. Poor girl, she is completely unaware that her father is teetering on the edge of the abyss, that he is clinging to the edge and desperately fighting not to fall off. In an attempt to be a good father, to not let an opportunity pass him by, and with complete and utter lack of planning or preparation he asks, "Songbird, can you name 5 STD's?" Great opening line, don't you think? Nothing like putting her at ease and making her feel completely comfortable.
One hour later, not much conversation has taken place due to Songbird's fingers in her ears and her curled up fetal position on the couch. She's yelling, "I'm only 12!"
Bless my hubby's heart, but my work here is never done. Now, I know why God hasn't called me home yet. These kids do still need me!

There's No Limit to Grouchy Part II

There's no limit to grouchy is right! I wish I could say that we have licked this problem in our house, but truthfully, it has gotten worse. It seems that the best behavior we can manage resembles that of a two year old without his beloved nap. Can you say "meltdown?" Braveheart and Prince Lawn Gnome actually had a knock-down-drag-out over a pillow. Seriously, you wouldn't know that they are 16 and nearly 15 respectively. The only thing worse was my complete overreaction to the whole argument. I'm sure every neighbor could quote me word for word. I think I found a new octave.

My darling hubby has been anything but darling this week. I was beginning to think that he could benefit from a swift kick in the ass. But, I tried to be sympathetic, "honey, is there something wrong?" He mumbles, "nothing." "Can I do anything to help?" "No." Okay then well if everything is fine and you don't need my understanding then how about helping me out around here a little... (my tiredness sending me back to the id stage, age 2). Let's just say, that didn't go over too well. And, just when I was feeling justified in my whinniness, my hubby calls to tell me what the MRI of his lower back revealed. Five compressed discs, 11 discs rubbing one another bone to bone, some fluid retention in all the wrong places, and something protruding 3 mm into the spinal column! That doesn't include his train wreck of a neck either. Plus, a litany of medical jargon that I cannot remember on the spot. No wonder he's been grouchy! Who wouldn't be?

But, the kicker, the real kicker... was the second phone call from my darling hubby. "Are you going to wake me up when you get home? " We're in a marriage series at church. All married couples are challenged to seven days of sex. I'm not sure he's ever paid as much attention to a sermon in all his life. So, I ask you... if you're in enough pain to be grouchy 24-7, but not enough pain to forgo the seven day challenge, just how much am I being played here? Valid question or grouchiness rearing it's ugly head again. I admit it. I'm not above it.