Determination

Well, I've done it. I've faced the scale, the mirror and the horrifying reality that I am headed in the wrong direction. It's not new, just evident. When last year's fall wardrobe isn't looking like it did last year and last year wasn't all that, well, I can't lie to myself any longer. I have every excuse there is... too busy... working nights... too lazy... too convenient to pick up food... hate cooking... God doesn't care what size I am... too stressed... too emotional... etc...etc...

I guess what I'm sharing is that I'm tired of being the undisciplined sort. I'm determined to put caring for myself into my daily routine. It's been a bit of a wake-up call to think about my hubby's future mobility and my future ability to help take care of him, to enjoy life with him. Thinking about it, skating around the subject and downright ignoring it are not helping. It's time. Man, I feel like a statistic; it's depressing.

So, it is with a decent amount of determination and a wee bit of hope that I've started going to the doctor again (that's why I pay for health insurance right?), joined the dreaded Weight Watchers, and am actually forcing myself to take vitamin supplements. I'm even making an effort to actually do the exercises assigned by the chiropractor and plan to implement an exercise of some sort when released to do so. I feel like I'm in full blown mid-life now. That's the depressing part. When did I get this old?

Here's the part where I'm going to be brave... I'm putting it out there... anyone who knows me won't be shocked... I have a total of 94 pounds to lose to hit my ideal weight. (Seriously thinking about hitting the backspace button here.) That is more that Songbird's entire body! It's going to take at least a year, and that is if there are no setbacks, no moments of weakness that creep up on me and if I stay committed. But here's the thing, I don't think I'll make it if I just look at 5 or 10 pounds as a goal. I think I'll just stop there and give up. I think I have to tackle the entire enchilada, okay bad analogy. The whole wheat tortilla, filled with low fat chicken and low fat cheese, covered in a spicy (to still have taste) sauce! Ha!

Anyway, pray for consistency and determination please... this is no longer a want, it is a need.

Happy 100!!!!!

Believe it or not, this is my 100th post!!!! I think that should qualify me as an official blogger now. It's hard to believe that I've had 100 thoughts on anything... or at least 100 such random thoughts.

Thought for the day... I'm getting old.

I've spent a better part of the day thinking about fun and exciting games for the youth group this fall and I've decided that if it weren't for the Internet I'd be in BIG TIME trouble. Because, for the most part, it's not in my nature do such crazy, messy, disgusting games. The mom in me wants to worry about the ruined/stained clothing and all the cleanup each game requires. It's not cool to think about those things. It makes me old.

Cool/young people probably don't use the word cool anymore.
Young people recognize the musicians on MTV.
Young people have seen more than two movies in a theatre this year.
Young people don't have to pray before they start their cars, they drive convertibles.
Young people don't watch the news and wonder what the world has come to.

So, basically, what I'm trying to say is... I'm preparing to fake it. I'm preparing to fake that I have a tiny bit of fun left in me, that I have an once of an idea of what is going on in the world that young people care about, and you know what, it scares me to death. It scares me because all the youth I know can spot a fake a million miles away.

I am reminded of the saying, fake it till you make it. Not so sure that will work, but am running with it for now. I can use any advice out there I can get as the fountain of youth has been elusive.