Sugar or Splenda

It has been recently brought to my attention that I am blunt. I can't say that this news comes as a surprise, but seriously, I thought I was doing a much better job at tempering my comments. I cannot tell you how many times I mull over what I really want to say and try to cushion it in a response that is encouraging, and overall, well, sweetened up a bit. Maybe, all this agonizing over words isn't fooling anyone. Maybe, it's like the difference between sugar and Splenda. Splenda may parade around as actual sugar, be a derivative of sugar, and have "healthier" attributes, but let's face it, it ain't sugar!

Blunt? It sounds so offensive, why not honest, or forthright. Blunt can be a time saver, you know. Haven't we all had a friend that sucked the life blood right out of you with the one millionth version of the same ol' problem? You know the one, the one that made you start screening your phone calls (thank the Lord above for answering machines.) Anyone can spoonfeed Splenda and dance around the solution to the problem, hand-hold over the problem and then rehash the problem once again. I seriously just don't have the patience anymore.

I have a rule. No more high maintenance friends. Those that are still around have been grandfathered in by time and high school shenanigans, okay okay, they have too much dirt on me to be cut loose. They are the reason I can never run for political office. But all new friendships must be of the sugar variety. There really is no substitute for the real thing. I guess that means that, yes, by choice, I'm blunt.

Open Your Eyes!

I've often heard news stories about women that were repeatedly abused by their husbands. I often wondered why they would subject themselves over and over to that kind of treatment. I find it hard to wrap my brain around it. But, then I met a VERY special lady. She is a saint on Earth. Her marriage is hard, very hard. Her husband a control freak. Over the years, I've seen him isolate her more and more. I've listened to her complain about how he controls and manipulates her by controlling all the money. I've listened to her. I've prayed with and for her. I've prayed for him. And still, no answers, no improvement.

They have bright, sensitive and all around wonderful children, but they can't help but be warped by this type of situation. I wonder what kind of marriages they themselves might have one day. I wonder if they will try to intervene when they feel that they are big enough. Will they try to defend their mother and be caught in the crossfire?

My heart aches for this friend. I've been downright in her face, "this is not normal" and "this is not safe." She's not listening. She is rationalizing. She rationalizes every action and reaction. I want to help her, but I don't want to send her husband over the deep end, and as a consequence, isolate her more. I don't want to turn on the news and see their story. How can you help someone that won't open her eyes and see the situation for what it really is? She is too close to see the forest from the trees.

There are no easy answers to this, I know, but I am looking for any advice as to how to actually help without making things worse for her. I feel paralyzed and the waiting for her to do something, anything is excruciating.

Back in the Land of the Bloggers...

I'm back, back in the Land of the Bloggers. I missed you guys. I really did. I don't think I realized how cathartic it is to vent regularly! And, boy, did I need to vent. Truly, I have no one to blame but myself. The company that decided to come at the worst-time-ever tried my ever last nerve. Then they did a Conga on that ever last nerve. Needless to say, I have sworn up and down that from now on I am NOT going to beat around the bush when I would prefer that company NOT come.



Every morning before I even put my size 9 feet on the floor, I would pray for the strength and patience to make this a pleasant visit. I cooked, I cleaned, I cooked, I cleaned some more, I spent time visiting, I rose early and went to bed late, and in the end my company seemed completely ungrateful and downright rude! And, the whole time I'm screaming to myself "JUST LEAVE ALREADY!"


I blame my upbringing. I was always taught to be polite under all circumstances. My mother taught me to clean the entire house and basically turn ourselves inside out for company. There were company dishes, company towels, and for goodness sake I even have a recipe called, "Company Potatoes!" She couldn't help it, her mother taught her. Guess what? Here I am perpetuating the INSANITY. Why do we do this to ourselves? I'll tell you why, because most of us don't live in a state of perfection. Most of us have children that leave clothes, dishes, toys and such lying around. Most of us have husbands that also leave stuff lying around, and let's be honest, most of us leave a few things lying around too. None of us want to be judged for it! None of us want to be criticized for not being PERFECT.

Here's the thing. I have spent a lot of time being supportive to this particular friend, tons of phone conversations listening to the latest drama and believe me there is always drama. I have agonized for her and with her. I have gone so far as to consider actual murder, of very deserving individual, on her behalf (unfortunately God commanded against it) and all I would like in return is a little GRACE. Is it to much to ask to let me parent my own children? You may disagree with it, but please, keep it to yourself. Don't just assume that I have nothing better to do than entertain you endlessly and therefore extend your visit without asking first or bring additional people with you! Please, I would never do this to anyone!

I know, I know, I should have just spoken up. I should have just told her the truth. What do I expect? You are my witnesses, NEVER AGAIN. I am going to be true to myself and my family. We are NOT going to go through this three ring circus of phoniness again. Life is too short! True friendships are mutually edifying. I hate to say it, but the older I get, the fewer tried and true friendships I seem to have. Is anyone else experiencing this or is it just me?