Fame and Fortune

When I was a kid, I wanted to be a Solid Gold dancer. I was certain that I'd make it and everyone would see me on t.v. They would be envious and I would dance and dance till my heart's desire. It would be the best! I didn't know that after a few years television shows (particularly bad ones) get canceled. I needed a new plan.

My plan definitely included being interviewed by Barbara Walters! I often rehearsed my very serious interview out loud. I don't remember what I desperately wanted the world to know and that wasn't really the important part anyway. The important thing was that people would WANT to hear what I had to say. Now, I turn on The View and I think, Barbara Walters should just give it up already. blah...blah...blah...blah...blah

When I was a preteen, I could often be found with a microphone a.k.a. hairbrush or spatula. Certainly, I was every bit as good as Anne or Nancy Wilson. Yes, a rockstar would work too. I could tour and wear leather pants. Oh, yes, and I could dance too! I would have millions of adoring fans. Now, I know that my voice only emulates my rockstar heroines when I'm in my car with the windows rolled up and the volume up way too high. (It's a magic car.)

As a young mother, a fantasized about being on Oprah. She would praise the ingenious stylings of writing in my first novel. Naturally, it would be considered one of the greatest American novels of all time. It would be a best seller and this was before her book club. Yes, I have a pseudonym all picked out. I would toy with the idea of going on her show as myself or in disguise to protect my much needed privacy. After all, aren't reclusive authors more interesting? Now, I watch Oprah and I think, this show has gone down hill. She should also give it up. And, then I think, crap, I better get it together or I will never have my great American novel done in time!

Now, as a 36 year old wife and mother, I desire just a little fame... and just enough fortune to carve out a little niche for myself. Some things never change.

A Happy Hubby

What a difference a day makes. What a difference working in your giftedness makes. Last Tuesday, my hubby was fired, everyday since he has been soooo happy. He is so excited about the new prospects on the horizon that he is up early and brainstorming late. It's as if he just received a huge energy shot. Even the neighbor noticed his mood change. It is great to be around.

I've lived with him through tough jobs and worse jobs. I've lived with him when he didn't want to get out of bed and face the day. This is better. This is much better.

I am so thankful.

Going to the Dogs

It has been long since overdue that I introduce you to our dogs, Rascal and Rufus. (No changing of names here as they are illiterate and unconcerned about privacy.) They are miniature Daschund, one long haired, one short. They are loving and unassuming most of the time. Their good natures have won me over. I'm not a cat person anymore.

Rufus is very laid back. He is happy with life. His days are spent chasing birds and squirrels, barking at the mailman and licking our faces. Rascal, on the other hand, spends most of his time trying to firmly establish that he is the top dog. While, he is codependent upon Rufus for entertainment and snuggling, he is not about to let him lick our faces without then asserting himself into the situation and touching his cold, wet nose to ours. He is jealous. It does not matter that we love him the same or share affection equally. To Rascal the dog dish is half full.

I was becoming somewhat irritated at dinner the other night when they would not stop begging for food. I don't mind giving scraps from time to time, but downright under your feet begging is crossing the line. Braveheart (who really should entertain the notion to become an attorney) took up the case for the dogs. "Mom, wouldn't you beg? Wouldn't you beg if all you ate every day was cold, hard, dry chicken and beef pieces. And, when you woke up in the morning to face a new day there they were again in your bowl." I had never thought of it that way.

So, even though some will disagree and say they'll be unhealthy, I cannot condemn them to a life of dried, hard, cold food between that and the kennel it resembles prison a little too closely. These are the dogs that wag their tales at warp speed when we come home. They immediately flip over on their backs to submit and receive a belly rub in return. They love us unconditionally, the least I can do is fork over a little bacon now and again.

It's Our Job to Trust

This week is a case study in trust, as I am sure, the coming weeks or months will be too. My darling hubby was let go from his job yesterday. I know that there are many, many of you that understand. We are not special. And, yet, we are not somber or whirling in chaos, really it's just a feeling of agitation. The kind of agitation that resides in the muscles of your shoulders and feels achy.

I know, intellectually, that it is God's job to provide and our job to trust that He will. Intellectually. Living out that trust is going to be a great test. It's as if God is saying to me, "You say that you believe, but do you really?"

You see, my hubby and I believe that it is God's desire that he goes into full time ministry. And, while some positions come with a nice salary, our particular church very much lives on God's good graces. It's not clear where a salary would come from right now. Again, for those of you who don't personally know me, I must reiterate that I am a control freak, a planner. Trust in financial matters is hard for me and yet, I feel relatively peaceful about it. Physically, though, like I said, there is a strange agitation. It even crept into my dreams. I dreamt of the cheesecake I had just made. I dreamt that Songbird had cut a huge chunk out of the cake. I was weeping in the dream, sobbing really, and I awoke so tensed up. I don't remember ever dreaming a dream like that before.

So, if you feel so inclined, I would appreciate any prayers. Prayer for the trust factor, prayer that my hubby will finally step into the position that he is supposed to be in. Pray that I can be responsible with the money that does come in. Thanks.

Groceries Part II

Okay, I did it. I went to the dreaded grocery store and you know what, I AM PEEVED. Once, just once, I want to get through the line without someone asking me...

actual quotes here...

"Are you shopping for your family or are you hosting an event?"

"How many people DO you have in your family?"

"Do you work for a nursing home or something?"

I'm beginning to feel like a freak show. I know I'm not the only mom out there buying for hungry teenagers. True, I am buying for a three week period at a time, but still, do I really stand out that much? And, why does everyone feel it necessary to make a comment? I'm not standing in line judging their baskets. "Oh, my, how does your family not starve to death with this pittance of food?" I'm finding it harder and harder not to be caddy. It's a blessing and a curse to be flippant.

You know what's sad, this grocery shopping wasn't even half of what I've been known to do. Maybe, I could sell tickets, you know, raise a little to offset the bill.

Oh, yes, and I forgot the wine.

One Step Forward...

I made it. I didn't subcomb to the Krispy Kremes. But, currently, I'm munching on M&Ms. Two steps forward, one step back. The call of the chocolate was too much to resist. I don't think I could live in a world without chocolate.

It just occured to me that all my posts this week have centered around food. That's not entirely suprising. I would say that a good 80% of my life revolves around food. Buying food, preparing food, throwing out food, listening to children whine for more food. Growing up, food was the center of every get together. It still is.

Practically everyone I know is currently on Weight Watchers. (I had to sneak the M&Ms down the hallway for fear that someone would reveal how many points they're worth.) The amount of will power they exhibit as a group is admirable. They are actually achieving REAL results. Maybe... just maybe... I'll consider adopting some of their ways. Of course, I need to get through Easter first and then there's always Mother's Day. Who wants to diet through the holidays?

I know that I'll do better once I can get into the garden. Home grown tomatoes, strawberries, watermelon... yum. If only it would stop raining-freezing-snowing all the time. I'm ready for Spring! I did notice two tulips bloomed today but they are no doubt under siege with temperatures in the 20's tonight.

Sorry, rambling along here. Ah, yes, M&Ms....

Krispy Kreme

I will not have one... I will not have one... I will not have one despite the fact that no less than three dozen of them are sitting on the counter taunting me.

Life would be so much easier without skinny coworkers that can down any number of Krispy Kreme donuts and then still run the treadmill in the morning. They have no consideration for those of us that are INCREDIBLY challenged in the self discipline category. Seriously, three dozen!

I will not have one... I will not have one... I will not have one...