Me time

Me time! I'm actually enjoying some today. Oh, how I've missed it. Thankfully, it looks like more of it may be on the horizon with the new development of Prince Lawn Gnome's part time employment. It's been a long stretch of someone always wanting me around, needing something from me, or housework calling to me. The housework is practically yelling at me today, but I'm yelling back, "Leave me alone you tyrant, slave driving, energy sucking, never ending saga!" Clean clothes, groceries and dishes are overrated right?
Anyway, I plan to spend my me time writing. Writing what? I'm not sure yet. AHHHHH, me time over??? Braveheart just walked in the door!!!! Seriously?

We'll call him Rico

The oceangypsy house sits kitty-corner from the oddest neighbors ever. For years we have been subjected to various Christmas decorations that definatly are in the running for Griswold of the Year awards. In the spring, their lawn is decorated with tulips scattered throughout the grass. There is no actual flower bed, just random tulips. Smack dab in the middle of the yard is a fifteen foot weed that they claim is a tree. Now, I may not be the sharpest pencil in the box, but I dang sure know what a tree looks like and this ain't it. Even the squirrels won't climb it!

Now, I admit that the oceangypsy house isn't always all that. There are currently weeds in the flower bed and the carcass of the former black, conversion van in the drive. (To be towed away as soon as hubby is not paying attention.) The sound of drums and guitars frequently resonate from our basement and I often put out enough trash to rival the city dump.

But.....

Nothing compares to the new live-in boyfriend that has moved in there. I was first made aware of his presence when his very hairy chest was displayed beneath his silk, Hugh Heffner like, robe on their front porch while waving the kids off to summer school. Choking back the gag reflex, I immediately ran for cover, screaming, "my eyes... my eyes." The image has permanently burned into my brain for which I may never recover.

A few days later, during my garage sale, I was again subjected to the new neighbor, we'll call him Rico Suave. Apparently, he enjoys sitting on the front stoop, in the aforementioned Hugh Heffner robe, as he stayed there for at least a half an hour. I was beginning to think that maybe I should check the registered pedophile list in my area.

Then the unthinkable happened. Something that made me long for the random tulips and the god-awful Christmas displays. Something that instantly brought down the property values of the neighborhood by at least $20,000. Something that makes the carcass of the black van look like a Maserati. Rico Suave moved in, by tow truck mind you, a conversion van decked out in complete camo. That's right one, big camouflage van. It screams home-grown-terrorist. Oh, but that's not the kicker. The best part is the professional decal across the front that says, "A-Team" above the windshield. The horn, is akin to the sound of an elephant followed by a la-cooka-rocha rhythum.

I kid you not! I couldn't make this up if I tried! It's so over the top I'm not worried about pedophilia anymore, it calls way to much attention to itself. My only hope is that Rico won't stay long, that he will be a passing fancy. Although, the appeal of such a man is way beyond me.

Relaxing Summer?

Every year around the holidays I wonder where all the time went. The days all run into one another and I can barely get through the endless, daily "to do" lists. Lately, I've been feeling that way about summer too. We have celebrated graduation after graduation. We have hosted a garage sale and hop-skip-and jumped to the lake for a few days. Now, fireworks season is upon us, then camp, camp again, a quick trip to Chicago and maybe a squeezed in baseball game. At some point I'll be working in Eclipse and Toy Story 3, if I'm lucky. And all the while, I need to be working on my tan! I need some pool time with a new book that takes my brain off reality for a while.
The weed patch, I mean future vegetable garden, is grossly overgrown with looming bits of poison ivy taunting me around the fence line. If I don't address it soon I'm positive that my neighbors are going to turn me in to the over-zealous code enforcement officer in town. An all out war against the family of mice that decided to move in has ensued and I am proud to announce that this week the casualty count is four!
Every day the chore list is endless, today I actually cleaned out the fridge and found all the missing Tupperware. Nothing like the looming possibility of food poisoning to force a little grocery shopping. I actually found an old yogurt shoved in the back that expired last March. Thankfully, the children mostly just stare with blank looks on their faces declaring, "there's nothing to eat!" I'm not sure I'll ever answer, "find something" any more... too dangerous.
Let's see, tomorrow is a wedding that I still need a gift for. And Sunday is Father's Day for which I still need to shop. Guess those cards will be a little late. Tried to shop 1-800 flowers for Father's Day, and found a beer stein made of carnations, but since my hubby is a recovering alcoholic, I decided that it probably wasn't the best flower arrangement to send.
I'm sure you are all just as busy as I am, but it's not too late to hope for a few bits of relaxation this summer is it?

Dare I Say It? Could it be?

The Oceangypsyhouse has come under a spell. A spell that is all-powerful, all-encompassing and downright scary! Dare I say it? Could it be true? Could it be young love? The smiling grin from ear to ear across Braveheart's face is a tell tale sign. The constant texting, another sign. The gagging aroma of perfume that one obviously must have bathed in, permeates throughout the house.
It is both amusing and downright terrifying at the same time. I so remember that "he really likes me" feeling. I remember my cheeks aching from all the smiling. I remember trying not to smile and not quite being able to achieve it. I remember the anticipation of the first kiss, the cloud 109 effect it had, the "I can't breathe without you near" intoxication and that's what scares me. I swear I can actually feel my hair turning gray at the roots!
What if this one is "The One?" What if he isn't? What if he breaks her heart? (It's okay if she breaks his.)
I'm trying to be nonchalant about it all. Trying to not crowd them but remain diligent. Why the hell did we buy a house with a basement? Why didn't we ever think about the future movie watching, hand holding, snuggling that would occur on that couch? I'm pretty sure that I could get rid of it under the guise of redecorating and replace it with a rod iron chair or two. In the meantime, I'm working under the keep your enemies close mentality. I've befriended him on Facebook and done all the digging I can there... didn't really find much but sappy love posts to my daughter! Not very comforting.
So, basically Braveheart's running around with a butterfly in the stomach feeling and the hubby and I are running around with the "I could puke any minute" feeling.

Is Anybody Out There?

Okay, so I'm not even sure if anyone still checks this blog or what, but I definitely need to purge the cobwebs from my brain so here goes... I've been cyber stalking other blogs but rarely posting comments. I haven't posted anything here because I went back to school and holy mother of you know who I was way in over my head. Actually, I was doing pretty good and writing about a million papers about crap I'm sure won't make any difference to anyone anyway, but nonetheless it was okay. Then I took Philosophy. And I went under, down, down, deep, way down. I spent hours trying to comprehend the Who am I? Where am I? Who are you? How do you know God exists theories. I spent hours writing papers arguing and defending my point of view only to be ripped to little, tiny shreds by my professor. He actually made me cry and let me tell you, I'm not a delicate flower here! I cried, real tears! Professor better hope he never catches me in a dark alley because I may forget my Christianity and take out a little aggression.

Let's not forget Music Appreciation where I was subjected to the sound of a cement block being drug across a cement floor and then digitally enhanced. Call me crazy, but when that professor asked if "anyone didn't consider it music" I opened my big, fat mouth and it was all down hill from there. Still waiting on my grades.... not too optimistic....

I would just like to say that I have a very, bad taste in my mouth for all this going back to school nonsense, even if it was all my idea. I'm taking the summer off and re-engaging in my life. I cannot believe what passes as actual instruction these days and am slightly concerned that I am pushing this whole college experience so strongly to my kids. Seriously, who has time to sit around and contemplate if and when the government took control of your brain and put it in a jar, would the essence of you be in the jar or in your body? Seriously, if the government actually took control of my brain, then I might actually get the vacation I so richly deserve. Now, I know why binge drinking is so big on college campuses!

And, let's not forget the little thing called "my actual life" that basically was held together by one stressed out hubby and a very thin thread. Prince Lawn Gnome was so neglected that he actually is anti-pizza now. He willingly ate a green pepper and a sauteed onion today! Who knew all it would take is eight weeks of neglect for him to actually like vegetables! Braveheart is thankfully wrapped up in her own world right now, so basically, the whole self-absorbed teenage thing actually had an upside. Songbird has essentially become the typical Jr. High, teenage, cheerleader, all my greatest fears are being realized, kid. Mental note... must deal with her immediately! The hubby, bless his heart, has tried he really has, but he too suffered neglect and the stress of a crazed wife that couldn't print out any papers correctly herself.

So, I should be posting more often this summer. I actually have lots to say, but am fearful that I have lost you already (if you really are still there). So, anyway, here's to summer and one semester down!

The Art of Getting Smaller

Call me Alice, call me Alice because it really is true. If you eat or drink just the right thing you do get smaller. And like Alice, I have entered into this strange new world where everything seems to be too big, or is it just my perception. My altered perception of reality because my brain has not caught up to this world yet.
While I love this world, I feel like a visitor here. It's not comfortable yet, but very attractive. The clothes in this world are Mediums! Size 14 jeans! I haven't worn those in 15+ years. The food here is very good and not as sweet. And despite my smaller appetite, I cannot seem to order just the right size meal at a restaurant. I keep over-ordering.
I just had my wedding ring resized and it looks tiny, but the reality is it's still one size larger than on our wedding day all those years ago. Truly, it looks like something I'd buy for my daughter. How can it be for me? But, it is.
My husband is excited, he's gaining back the woman he wed. My coworkers keep commenting on "how thin your face looks," they never knew me when... It's good, but strange, the attention is wanted and not so wanted all at the same time. But the best, the absolute best this week was when Songbird went to give me a hug and said, "my arms can go all the way around you, Mommie! Look, I can grab my wrists!" That was a fabulous welcome into this new world.

Hello March!!!

It's March! It's March! Oh, praise God, it's March! Almost spring!!! I have never been so happy to see a page on the calendar turned. I am in complete and total need for spring to arrive. I live to see the tops of the tulips peek out from underground. I live to actually do that first week of yard clean up. I actually dreamt last night of a porch area with furniture, flowers and twinkling lights that invited a glass of wine in the dark. Summer is my favorite time of year and I plan to enjoy it ...outside.
That's right, I've had it with being stuck in these four walls. I will not be locked into school work on the computer. The freedom of the grill and the garden are beckoning to me. I cannot wait. Before I know it, it will be time for summer camps, fireworks, and a great tan! I'm actually looking forward to swimsuit shopping this season. It figures that one season after I broke down and spent a million dollars on the Miracle Suit that it would not fit anymore. By the way, the miracle that suit promises to deliver... sub par. Oh, well, no worries! Coco butter and one margarita later... no worries. Here's wishing you a happy, warm, no snowflakes in sight, spring!